Am I?
I have been trying to stop myself from calling home. A few weeks back, my mom called me up. We got to chitchat a bit and she said that I should call home more often. She had this conclusion that maybe I didn’t miss home because hubby’s with me.
Not true.
I miss home – a lot.
My space, my friends, my food trips and everything else that I left behind – I miss them all. However, I always remind myself of the decision I’ve made… I did this for us and maybe for me as well.
My hubby says I was like mom’s shadow or like a mini-her. He would always notice my comments because I would always say, “Sabi ng mama ko…” or “ Turo sa akin ng mama ko…” which was true. Not that I’m a mama’s girl (which I am not), I think these words made me feel home.
It’s like home was just there – around the corner.
I didn’t want to call because I might miss home (and my I would need to buy loads and loads of cellphone cards – tsk!tsk! not good).
When I went for a vacation last year, friends and acquaintances here told me, “Pag pabalik ka na ditto… yun ang pinakamahirap… parang hinihila mo ang sarili mo pabalik.” I thought – really now…these people are overreacting.
And it did happen to me. Good thing, the parking spaces at NAIA didn’t allow relatives to stay behind. We only have 15 minutes to bring my baggage to the lobby, kiss, say goodbyes and laugh a bit. The agony of not seeing them didn’t hit me yet even if I was waiting for my plane to arrive. It hit me when I was actually in the plane and it hit me hard.
I cried silently since everybody in the plane was sleeping. Of course, they wouldn’t want to wake up because of a bawling lady… The feeling was heavy.
Of course, it all left me when I saw my hubby waiting for me though he had a sour look because our plane arrived late. The hug was genuine and then I felt (in his arms) that I’m home. Even if he blabbed all the way about the planes not being on time, I knew what he meant to say was, I’m glad you’re back.
